Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Sad Celebrity Deaths, The Need To Offend & I'm An Asshole (No Surprises There)

There are 3 things.

3 things that link together to create this post.

Sad celebrity deaths.

The need to offend.

And, yes, I'm an asshole.

How, exactly, do these things merge into one?
Poor John. Rocking those Harry Potter glasses
before it became a 'thing' (someone should
have told him it looked a bit lame though).

Well here's how.

I don't really get sad at many things. But for some reason, when someone like a celebrity dies, it bothers the shit out of me.

Let's use a few of examples.

John Lennon.
Didn't like the guy much. Not a huge Beatles fans either. But it makes me so sad to think he died because some nut job decided to get his name in the papers. 

Heath Ledger.
This one always bothers me. God it's so sad, isn't it? The guy was an astonishing actor who deserved more than the one Oscar he earned for his role as the Joker in The Dark Knight. He was great. A seemingly nice guy too. Yet he died. For what reason? Well, it was pill related. Apparently he was on a ton of pills and bam, he took a fatal dose and died. 

It's sad not only because he was cut short of reaching his full potential at such a young age but also because no one knows if it was suicide or not and why he may have killed himself.

The Heath we saw as the Joker and the Heath
we saw normally were two very different people.
I just wish Nolan would release the behind the scenes
footage that included Ledger. This is one of the
few pictures of him on set.
Apparently Heath hadn't been himself before his death after the filming of The Dark Knight. He was unsettled and suffering from Insomnia. No one really knew what was up with him. Was it his broken relationship with his ex girlfriend? Was it his brutal dedication to the role of the Joker? Who knows. But either way, he ended up dead in his hotel room.

Michael Jackson.
Poor Michael. Jesus I feel sorry for this guy. If you want an example of someone being victimised by the public and media, look no further than this guy. 

He lived his life as a fragile plastic surgery addict who was so scarred from his childhood bullying experiences and poor relationship with his father that he decided to try and make himself visually perfect, yet came out looking like a Loony Tunes character gone wrong.

His lack of proper childhood lead to him obsessively trying to live an adult version of it in the form of a theme park thing in his back garden and consistently hanging around kids. He eventually got labelled as a paedo and the court cases ensued. 
It's a shame Jackson felt the need to ruin his
good looks by morphing into a white man mannequin.
He seemed to smile a lot more when he was
black too. Although maybe that's because all
the surgery restricted his muscle movement.

Poor poor Michael Jackson. People still think he's a paedo, which is understandable, but don't people realise the cases that did go to court were settled and one kid even admitted to lying about Jackson molesting him years later? How fucking sad.

I don't know why it gets me down so much to think of these people (and others) dying. Maybe it's death in general. Someone got hit by a train at the train station where I live and after I heard the news my day was pretty much ruined.

This, however, is odd.

Why? Because my sensitivity towards people dying somehow doesn't numb my perverse joke making towards it.

In fact, I think I have something wrong with me. Resist the chance to make an offensive joke? You must be mad. I just can't do it.

Frankie Boyle, the renowned offensive comedian, once said that he has this sort of 'reflex' where he says horrible things even when he doesn't mean or want to. I understand his issue.

Despite being sensitive about people dying and celebrity deaths, while exchanging sick jokes with my friend I made a horrible joke towards Jewish people AND the fairly recently deceased Paul Walker.


Because when the opportunity arises to shock and offend with an absurdly offensive joke arises I just can't resist. It's impossible. It's like in one side of my brain I'm thinking: 'This is Gold. Can't wait to see their faces after I say this. Hilarious' and the other side is thinking: 'But it is offensive. I don't really have this opinion. It's not really very... Me to make this joke. But then it is only a joke after all. What's the harm?'.

So I made this joke. I'll tell you what it is. But it comes with a disclaimer. The disclaimer being that it will make you think I'm an asshole, which I guess I am.

The joke goes like this.

What do the Jewish people of the Holocaust and Paul Walker have in common?
They all burned to death.

Now upon reading that you either thought 'What's the big deal?' or 'You sick fuck!' and then probably clicked off this page or left a mean comment.

The thing is it is a sick, offensive and incredibly disrespectful joke. I'll be the first to admit that.
But I'll also be the first to admit Paul Walker's death was tragic and makes me genuinely really sad. I'll also be the first to admit the Holocaust sends shivers down my spine and I have the utmost respect for every person involved in it (I mean victims. I don't have respect for the Nazi's responsible for it. Obviously.).

So why make the joke I did? Well... It's a joke. I feel like when I do offensive things I'm playing a character. It's not really ME, I sort of go into 'offensive mode' where I am an exaggerated asshole version of myself. It's almost like I have this inbuilt dickhead personality that comes through constantly. And THAT'S the issue; it shows all the time.
Hey, that's me! I guess I am an asshole (it does say so after all,
and I'm the one who wrote it).

It's not like I only turn into this offensive character on here. The asshole side of my personality comes through all the time in normal conversation. It's like when the chance to make a horrible joke or comment comes up I literally can't resist and my dickhead personality trait comes through and BAM! I've just lost half my friends.

I have a need to offend. And I can honestly say, it doesn't bother me. It's just hard to find those people who accept that jokes are jokes and nothing more. Lots of people seem to have this idea that what you say, whether a joke or not, should be taken literally as your actual opinion and a real example of what you think.
These people are also called retards.

See, was the 'retard' insult really necessary? No, but I just can't help but be an asshole. So I guess that's what I am. I'm the part of a person where crap comes from. Ah well. No one's perfect.

Where We're Headed

After my mid-blog crisis (yes, yes that's a thing... I think) when I rashly decided to get rid of this blog (which I've worked fucking hard on for the past... Uh... Ages) I think it's only fair I owe peeps an explanation of what I plan to do with my life and this blog.

So as you no doubt know, I'm set on becoming famous. Not because fame is something I think is good or appealing, more because 'fame' itself means you have achieved something. I want to be an actor, a director and, hopefully, a musician too. I don't want to be some 'famous' guy, I want to be a guy who is well known for achieving his dreams and producing great entertainment. 

Next year I am going to University in London and after the 3 years are done there I plan on staying in London, getting an agent and forcing myself into the industry.

What does that mean for this site?

Well I have a very lightehearted approach to it now as there is no pressure to fulfil any needs I might have. Really, I'm just going to keep posting... Stuff.. I guess.

What stuff? I don't know. No idea at all. Just whatever. I'll keep everyone updated with my road to glory and success and on that road I'll also post some articles relating to what-the-hell-ever and maybe some videos. Again, I have no idea where life will take me or where I might be in 5 years.

But hey, at least we can make the journey together. 

My apologies for being a prick, however, and almost getting rid of this blog. My bad. Poor judgement call. Anyway, at least we're back and we know where we're going!


Ah fuck it.

Fuck life. Fuck it all.

If you read my shit frequently you'll know I'm the worst (worst as in the worst) decision maker ever. I struggle to stick to what I say and I tend to make rash choices without consideration.

That's why I'm bringing this blog back. After,  what? A week of abandoning it?

I've decided I've worked too hard on this website to let it slip away and, simply, I'm just going to post whatever I like rather than try and do what I think I should.

Yeah.... You have permission to hate me.


Thursday, 13 February 2014

This Blog Is Not Ending

This blog is ending. Sorry guys but it is.

I want to do more than this site allows me to. I want to post more diverse things and I want the blog to be less serious. I know where I'm going with my life and I want a blog that feels more like a companion than a job. 

So I decided to scrap this blog and start a new one called 'RandomMak'. Follow it for me doing this sort of stuff but in a more replaced environment and a slightly more random one too.

I'm going to be posting more interesting things that I want to actually do (like comics) and more frequent updates too. I'll do a bit of gaming shit as well but that is far from the focus here. I want a place that I can call my own rather than a scrappy site like this that is neither this nor that. 

At the moment I do not have a domain for RandomMak nor have I styled it well yet. It is still being designed. But I want you guys to know it exists and if you want to follow me online, there is the place to do it. This is the last thing I'm posting on this blog. I've already done a welcome article on RandomMak so head over and make yourself at home. Byeee.


Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Unfriending On Facebook = THE WORST OFFENCE EVER.

Wow. Isn't the world a curious place. There's several incredibly unbelievable things about this story I want to talk about in this article. Number one being that somehow this 'story' actually managed to make it into the news (although I did first read this on the Daily Mail website so I don't know if that is classed as news. That said, it has been published on other actual news sites too).

What is this story I'm referring to? Well a cancer victim posted some pictures and - wait for it - one hundred people found them offensive and - wait for it again- UNFRIENDED HER!

Aaaaah. The horror. Save us now. From this shitty excuse for news.

Pretty much, this woman called Beth Whaanga posted nude pictures of herself after having a mastectomy due to cancer and some people got offended by it.

And this is apparently... A problem?

OK, so I'm far from the type of person who feels that the 'offended' should get their own way and have things they disapprove of not shown and blocked from the world just because they don't like it, and I don't think this woman's pictures should be removed in any way just because some people were offended, but people HAVE THE RIGHT to be offended just as much as anyone has the right to offend them. So really, who the fuck cares if, oh no, some people unfriended her or not? Who actually fucking cares?

Is this supposed to be an issue? Are we supposed to read this shit and gasp "Oh my God! That poor woman! All she wanted to do was show everyone on Facebook her naked body after having surgery to get rid of her cancer and one hundred - ONE FUCKING HUNDRED PEOPLE UNFRIENDED HER?" And then grab our pitchforks and hunt the pricks down?



No no no no no no no no no no!

What the fuck?

Some people don't want to see nude pictures of you after surgery on their news feed. And not only do I myself respect that but I also understand it.

No offence to this lady Beth... Errr... What was her last name? Wanga? Wanka? Waaanga? Whatever. Something like that. Anyway, no offence to this Beth Wonga person but who wants to see that shit on their bloody Facebook? I get you're trying to spread around that this is the type of shit you can expect after having a mastectomy but fucking hell, on Facebook? REALLY? Who wants to see that?

Some poor bastards were just scrolling through their news feeds, perving on hot girls and spying on people's conversations when BAM!

"FUCK. ME. What did I just see?"

No. No. No. NO ONE WANTS THAT. No. One.

Obviously a lot of her friends were alright with it. Just sorta got on with their Facebooking and didn't think much of it, or maybe dropped a like and a supportive comment. But apparently one hundred people thought:
"Nah, not for me thanks mate." And that's fine. No issue. You know why? Because it's Facebook and they have the right to say 'I don't want this on my feed' and unfriend the shit out of you.

What's more, no one expects or probably wants those pictures on Facebook. Like I just said, people aren't expecting graphic post-operation photos on their feed. Facebook isn't labelled as the 'place to be if you want surgery pics', it's a bloody social networking site.

I personally think people are better off making blogs or websites dedicated to these sort of unqiue things and letting appreciative and supportive people FIND THEM. Not forcing it onto every person you know's (or may have met once at a party) news feed. Quite frankly, I'm not surprised she lost friends and honestly, there's no need for her to get arsey about it. It's only Facebook.

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Secluded (Short Experimental Film By Michael Kyle)


The world is a place...
The world is a place where 7 billion people co-exist, all within the same restrictions and freedoms of life.
The world is a place where every person upon it is consumed by their inept social interactions and conversations that leave nothing to the imagination. As a race, the main thing we lack is something that we all claim to have: unity. As people laugh and joke they are together, yet somehow alone. Everyone that is trapped within this planet and the confines of our dull existence is alone. A separate being from the rest of their human partners.
This stranger walks. He walks to find a place that is exactly what we, as people, are: secluded.

This is a short film I decided to make more as a cinematography experiment than anything else. I wanted to experiment with different shots and see how much I could get out of the phone that I used to record it with. It is not supposed to be enthralling or spectacular. It’s a sombre and simple take on human existence that offered me a chance to mess around with shots and directing.

It was great fun to make, albeit a little cold. Some shots I was very disappointed with. The first ‘action cam’ shot of the ‘Lost Stranger’ walking is fairly poor in my opinion, as well as the final shot which was taken in one take. It was an average take at best, with me failing to capture the spirit of the scene that I really wanted to capture as well as poorly controlling the camera phone in the high winds. It was muddy and freezing cold, however, so we did no reshoot it and given how light-hearted this project was, there wasn’t any need to really.

The end was cut, substantially. There was an extra 2 minutes of footage originally however I wanted it played in 2x speed, but this was not possible as the camera I used recorded in a measly 30-35 frames per second and to use 2x speed you are required to pretty much lose half of your FPS rate. This would mean the final 2 minutes played out quickly but in extremely poor quality. Very disappointing but oh well.

In case you’re wondering about things like cost and equipment, quite frankly the whole thing was pretty much free and used basic tools. That was the point of this film. To prove to myself you can, in fact, use simple things like a phone and a friend to record a short movie.

The phone used is a Samsung Galaxy Note 2 with a 8MP camera that records in full HD. To save myself the hassle of later adding a gradient to the film I used an inbuilt ‘warm vintage’ gradient for all shots.

I’m a big fan of hands on, manual, ‘action cam’ camera work so I got pretty rough with the shots, hence the shake in a lot of them. I’m also training to be an actor and director, not an actual cameraman, so cut me some slack for not handling the camera itself as well as a pro.

I used no other equipment to record.

In editing I used Sony Movie Studio Platinum Suite 12. I believe you can buy this for £25-£30.
For the soundtrack I used FL Studio 11 Producer Edition, the best music editing and creating software I’ve ever used.

For the opening monologue I recorded on a Blue Snowball microphone.

If you add up the cost of all the items I used, yes the price is high, but I did not buy them especially for this and had them before for other projects. There are plenty of free editing software applications to use.
And that’s that. Not much to add. It’s not that much of an entertaining short, just a social comment that I wanted to use as an opportunity to experiment and learn from myself as an aspiring actor and director. It’s something to draw from and keep in mind for the future. Thanks for watching (and reading) and don’t forget to follow my blog and everyone involved in the making of this on twitter.

Me (Michael Kyle): twitter.com/mookyst
Harry Dunnett: twitter.com/dunnettx
Michael Crichton: twitter.com/mike__crichton

My Blog: www.michaelthekyle.com

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Call of Duty: Ghosts Needs The Old Game Modes Back

Dem feels :'(

Before I start I'm not even going to bother explaining where I've been for the past, what, 2 and a half months? I know I said I was back but yada yada yada I decided to work on some more pressing issues in my life and move the podcast forward too. The podcast is ready to begin recording by the way and the first show should be released early January 2014. I'm aiming for the next week. Recording should happen the 2nd of Jan although that could be moved. Also, while I'm not going to dare make any more promises I might not keep, writing is feeling so much more natural at the moment so I think I'm going to invest some more time in it. No guarantee I will write consistently, but let's just say I'm actually ENJOYING writing at this current time and it doesn't feel forced. I like doing things I enjoy so continuing the blog is something I plan on doing.

Anyway, moving on.

I didn't review Ghosts when it was released because, well, I wasn't writing anything at that time, and I didn't even get my hands on a copy until today (thanks, by the way, Amazon Prime for being late AGAIN so I missed the double XP weekend. Great service you are).

This isn't a review either, by the way. I just wanted to do what I love doing most: bitch and complain. 

Ah yes, how I've missed bitching on my beloved blog about everything under the sun, be it Yodel, FIFA, Activision, EA, other websites, even KSI. Call it 'easy views' or 'attention whoring' but bitching is about the only thing anyone ever actually does in their articles. That's right. Take a look at online posts and you'll see most are people moaning about some shit or other.

Wow. Wasn't that a digression. ANYWAY.

Move. Ing. ON.

CoD: Ghosts.

Fantastic game by the way. First CoD I've actually had fun (yes, actual fun) playing since, well, Modern Warfare 2. Blops was annoying. MW3 was a pathetic carbon copy of MW2 that somehow managed to suck Tony Blair's tiny cock (don't know why I just fancied bashing Blair then. Probably been listening to the . song 'Fanfare For The Conscious Man' too much). And Blops 2 was, well, I didn't really play it. Got it on release day but got so irritated by the lag and poor connections I sold it about 10 hours after buying it. Yep. That's me. Mr. Impatient over here everybody. I actually did give it a decent playing recently though and I admit the multiplayer was decent.  

But back to Ghosts.

I'm not going to moan about the online gameplay or anything because, for the most part, I like, if not love it.
What I'm here to rant angrily about is the absolutely outrageously awful game mode selection. 

In case you didn't know, Infinity Ward decided to take the non existent initiative they have and apply it to making the decision to remove a ton of original game modes from the Ghosts. This includes the fan favourite Demolition; my personal favourite game mode Sabotage; the also fairly well favoured HQ, and also Capture The Flag. Oh and Ground-War too.

The replacements for these great game modes?

Heavy Duty
Search & Rescue

This wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen in the game, if these new game modes were ACTUALLY GOOD.

Oh, they put in some new things that SUCK COCK BALLS?
How totally *un*surprising. I mean, come on, all they ever do in every new CoD is add in at least one new thing that sucks. For example:

CoD Points.
Retarded perks like Commando and One Man Army.
Or they just make an inferior carbon copy of MW2 in the form of MW3...

The only problem with this new poor design decision is it's at the expense of more than HALF THE GOOD GAME MODES.

First off let's review the new modes.

Heavy Duty: Heavy Duty is a game mode where.... Where... Where basically... BASICALLY, every player is pretty much equipped with the Juggernaut perk from CoD 4 and WaW. All players have extra health. That's it. That. Is. It. It's a game mode, where players get added health. As if that's something you couldn't do yourself with your friends in a custom match.

They wasted one of the few, precious, game mode slots, on this garbage pile of wank.
It's pointless. Who wants to play with added health anyway? Oh yeah, that's right, 2,643 people out of the 288,297 that are currently online at the time of writing on the Xbox 360 version of the game.

Infinity Ward, you made a game mode so shit, so bad, so rubbish, that less than 2,700 people out of nearly 290,000 want to play it.

Cranked: Oh god. Oh Jesus. Oh fuck me. You know when something so shocking is put in a game you wonder how it ever made it past the game directors, publication company and BETA testers? And, what's more, you wonder what nonce came up with it in the first place? I mean, Cranked isn't a TERRIBLE idea, it just happens to be kind of the AIDS of the game mode selection that was thought up and constructed by a mini brained toilet seat.

It's a mode where you get bonuses for getting kills, but also must get a kill every 30 seconds after your first kill is made, otherwise you blow up.

OK. Not too bad. But it goes wrong in so many places. First of all it's team based. Yeah, not good. If this was ever going to be fun to play, it would have to have been a free-for-all mode. No doubt.

Because it's team based getting kills is harder and so you'll find yourself blowing up a lot. Plus the whole blowing up thing seems pointless when you're put into teams. Like, why's it there? If this was free-for-all it would make a ton more sense.

Secondly, the maps are too big. Ghosts has some of the best CoD maps I've played, but also the biggest. And that's no bad thing. But when you've got to get a kill every 30 seconds and there's only 6 (max) people on the other team, well, it's not good. It just doesn't flow and it isn't fun.

The mode should have been a large scale FFA, with instead of 8 players there are 12. This way the action would be constantly fast and furious so you'd have a lot of opportunities to get kills and the big maps would be packed out with more players. Bam. Sorted. Done. Bow taken.

It's a decent idea. But whoever finalised the design for it is an idiot.

Oh and also, the opinion it sucks is also one many people hold. After all it only has just over 8,000 people playing it at the time of writing with over 288,000 online. 

Blitz: When I saw that the retarded fish muppets at IW had almost removed all my beloved game modes, I began looking through the new modes to see if there were any decent objective based ones. Aside from Search & Rescue (which I'll cover in a second), Blitz was the only one that really grabbed my attention and looked like it might not totally such Tom Cruise's testicles. So I gave it a go.

The objective sounded interesting. Each team has an objective zone in their spawn area and each team must infiltrate the other team's objective zone to score. Seems like a good idea. Both teams are on the offensive while also having to defend. I like it. Well, I DID like it, before I played it.

It's rubbish. Instead of having to go into the enemy's objective zone and stay there, trying to survive, in order to score points, all you have to do is simply walk, or run, into the zone and BANG, you've successfully scored. That... That is not hard. Oh, and when you DO score in the other team's zone, you get teleported to another part of the map, so the risk of dying is minimal.

Equip Marathon and Lightweight and an SMG and wow, this is easier to win than sex with Kim Kardashian. There's no challenge. Even if you are defending your zone, all the enemy has to do is touch it and they've scored. It ends super quickly and is far from enjoyable. What a load of crap. 

Out of the 288,000 humanoids online, only just over 6,500 are bothering to play it. Personally, I would pick it over the video game equivalent of Herpes that is Cranked but that's just me.

Search and Rescue: The only decent new mode that's been added. But that's only because it's based on a game type that already exists: Search And Destroy. You can still play S&D by the way, however Search And Rescue is a variation of it where the only difference is that when someone dies they drop a dog tag, similar to Kill Confirmed. The dog tag, when collected by the enemy, prevents the player who died from respawning till the next round. However when collected by a team-mate, the player who died is respawned. So it's S&D with the possibility of getting revived. That rarely happens however, so it's still a 'one life per round' game at its heart. 

Despite the iconic-ness that is S&D, I admit that I do prefer S&R. The added objective of collecting the tags makes it even more interesting. You may be winning the fight; defending with two team-mates with you, but if you left any of the enemy dog tags around you could find yourself quickly out numbered by the other team who have managed to respawn. Similarly, if you're the last alive, it's important to collect any friendly dog tags you find so you can increase your odds of winning. 

No complaints about this mode. But one decent game type out of the 5 that were added is nowhere near good enough.

Hunted: Where to begin? Well, this is going to be short. It's just lame. And boring. And really, really lame. Did I mention it's lame? And boring. It's really boring actually. Like, you know when it's 2AM and you're still gaming but you know you should sleep but you can't sleep because you've been gaming so much? Well Hunted is the game mode that sends you to sleep so you can dream of Jennifer Lawrence. It's just lame. And boring. 

If I were to briefly describe it to you, I'd say it's where you start the match with limited equipment (don't ask why) and have to secure different zones to get more equipment while killing eachothzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Sorry I dozed off. Writing about this boring, lame as hell piece of tissue paper makes me as sleepy as playing it. Well, that's a bit extreme. It makes me a third as sleepy.

It's possibly the worst performing of all the new modes, with a pathetic 2,800 people playing it out of the 288,000.

Phew. That's the new game types covered. Now, to rant a bit more.

Basically, in case you couldn't tell already, they all suck. The game mode selection in Ghosts is shambolic. There are no decent respawn enabled objective game types. They're all crap.

What's more, out of the 12 Core game types, 6 are just variants of the other modes. Kill Confirmed, as popular as it is, is just another TDM variant, as is Heavy Duty and Cranked, and S&R is just a variant of S&D. There is zero innovation or uniqueness here. Half the game modes just blend together to create slightly different versions of each other. It's a joke. But a game breaking joke. 

Infinity Ward have already answered the question of why they removed the old, good, game types. They claim it's because in games such as Demolition, it's easy to spawn camp. This is fairly true. In Demolition, Sabotage, CTF and even HQ it could be easy to spawn camp. But did this happen all the time, and in such severity that it broke the game modes? Nope. In fact, I think that this is either a bullshit reason by IW or a retarded one they firmly believe in, because the only decent, original objective mode in Ghosts that is left is Domination, and it's piss easy to get spawn camped in it.

It's not IW's job to decide what we can and should want to play. Sure spawn camping sucks, but if people want to put up with it, or risk have it happening to them, then that is their decision. People go into Demo and CTF knowing things could get messy and unfair and they don't mind. What's more there's always the quit option in case the other team really is that dickish. 

Thanks to IW's completely unnecessary 'policing' and 'filtering' of Ghosts' playlists, we now have only one good, respawn enabled, objective mode, that being Domination.

It's easy to tell people want the old modes back (or at least some good, new, objective based ones) by simply looking at the amount of people in each playlist. Domination is the second most played playlist on Ghosts. None of the other game types come close to overtaking it. The only one that is played more is, of course, TDM. But TDM will forever be the most popular game type.

Ghosts has the gameplay and maps nailed. All it needs now are some decent game modes to play aside from S&R/S&D and Domination. The new modes we've been handed are a pathetic joke that are, judging by the amount of people who play them, clearly unpopular. If IW don't bring back some of the old game types or at least introduce some decent new ones in an update soon, then I can't see me, and maybe other people too, being entertained for very long by the poor selection we've been handed

Opinion on the issue? Comment your brain thoughts below. Be nice though. No one likes a dickhead..

Sunday, 27 October 2013

FIFA 14 Pisses Me The Fuck Off PART 3

I thought it might be over.

I though, or rather prayed (ah who am I kidding? I don't pray), that those bastards at EA had changed the game for the better. That they'd fixed all the issues that FIFA 13 had and righted all the wrongs.

But hey, guess what? They haven't. The game still pisses me the fuck off and here the fuck is why. Oh and if you hadn't noticed already, you over sensitive dick-eater, this muthafucking rant is gonna contain a lot of muthafucking swear words so either read the fuck on and relate or fuck off and cry. Let's do this shit.

Reason Number Muthafucking One: The Goalkeepers Are Wank

FIFA 13 made some worthy adjustments to the quality of the goalkeepers from its predecessor FIFA 12, but FIFA 14 takes a leap all the way back to the 2011 installment by making the GK's ABSOLUTELY WANK. Like, terrible. Like, utterly moronic. The game is a goal-fest, but for all the wrong reasons, one of them being that the man in-between the sticks can't save a fucking shot to save his pathetic life. 

Don't get me wrong, sometimes goalkeepers have amazing games, but this is usually when the game is blatantly scripted against you (example: you get a dozen shots, all saved, and the opponent gets 2 shots and scores both). However a good 85% of the time you can be sure the goalkeepers are too busy picking their noses to bother actually making a fucking save. They're shambolic and rubbish. 

Reason Number Muthafucking Two: There Are Sperm With More Brains Than The AI

The improved AI in FIFA 13 was noticeably better. However in FIFA 14 it seems that EA forgot to add in the part of the game that gives the players brains. 

First of all attackers are the laziest fucks in the world. Make. A. Fucking. Run. PLEASE. I''M FUCKING BEGGING YOU. MAKE A RUN YOU LAZY PRICK. WHY DO YOU STAND THERE LIKE AN IDIOT? 
You basically have to read your striker's non existent mind and play a through ball at exactly the right time and pray he has enough strength to push the defender behind him out the way and get through on goal. Because if you don't you'll be hanging around for the full 90 minutes with the ball in midfield wondering why the fucking hell Lewandowski is ambling around like a dopey prick.

Then you have the defending AI. Are defenders incapable of marking? Yet again? Just like in FIFA 12? Why is it so hard to make AI mark the opponent's Goddamn players?

If there's a winger running down the side about to cross the ball in you better hope to fucking God that you block that shit because if you let that mofoing ball into your penalty area you can be sure none of your sorry ass defenders will be marking the other guy's strikers that are standing RIGHT IN MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING BOX. COMPLETELY. UNMARKED. WHY? WHY? WHY? JUST WHY? WHY ARE NONE OF MY DEFENDERS MARKING THEM? WHY? WHY? I've actually ejaculated sperm out of my penis that has more intelligence than these crappy players.

Aside from that, the defenders can't hustle people of the ball well either. Apparently both Hummels and Subotic couldn't knock Doumbia off the ball and he somehow managed to push both defenders out the way and get through on goal. Yeah, don't fucking ask. That's what you've got to do with this game if you want to 'enjoy' it; don't ask questions. Otherwise you'll realise what a massive pile of crap it is.

Reason Number Muthafucking Three: FUT Is Still As Scripted As Gok Wan's Arse Is Fucked

Blah blah blah blah blah, FUT is still scripted as expected. 

Either that or you're telling me that getting all 15 shots on target saved by a usually shit keeper, yet conceding all 3 shots that the other guy has is normal gameplay. And I find that impossible to believe. So, yeah, FUT is still a pile of wank.  

Reason Number Muthafucking Four: The Refs And Linesman Are Literally AIDS

Oh look Falcao is through on goal. Oh look he's offside. Oh look he wasn't really offside he was in line but it was still given as offside anyway. *Yawn* How normal.

Oh look Farfan was just shoved violently off the ball then tripped up by another player. Oh look the ref doesn't give a shit. *Double yawn* How utterly, mind numbingly, boringly normal.

Yep, the refs and linesman are so shit they gave me (not literally) AIDS. Anything surprising here? No? OK moving on.

Reason Number Muthafucking Five: Crosses Are Overpowered And There's No Reason To Play Any Other Way

There is actually no reason to bother trying to score normal goals in FIFA 14. And when I say 'normal goals' I mean one that you work on through the midfield before capitalising on with a great shot. 

Why? Because crosses and headers are so OP you can literally spend an entire match crossing in dozens of balls and you can be guaranteed at least a couple of them will go in. Corners are just as overpowered too. It's so dry it's boring. There's no reason to play any other way and if you don't at least cross a moderate amount then you'll get slaughtered by the spam crossers. 

There's nothing wrong with crossing but it's stupid how scoring a normal goal is hard yet scoring a cross is easy. It makes playing any other way pointless.

Reason Number Muthafucking Six: The Game Freezes For NO REASON WHATSOEVER

Oh look I just scored! Woop woop! Time to celebrate with this awesome celebration I just unlocked annnnnnnnnd yep. The game's frozen. 

You get no awards for predicting FIFA 14 would have some fucking annoying bugs of some kind because EA is incapable of making a football game that is bug free. Hey, you know what though? Maybe they'll actually patch this one and, ya know, actually fix it. 

Ahahahahahaha yeah sorry, I'll stop dreaming now.

Reason Number Muthafucking SEVEN: It's Just Not That Fun Anymore

FIFA 14 is actually really quite realistic compared to FIFA 13. Unless you just go crossing your way to victory, scoring goals is more of a thoughtful, rewarding and very stressful experience. But that's not really a great thing. FIFA 14 sure does have issues but it's not these things that really kill it for me. The problem with the game is it's just not that fun any more  It's slow in the extreme, bland after a few matches, repetitive and boring. It lacks the unpredictability and the 'every match is unique and brilliant' way real football has, so the fact it plays more realistic is almost completely pointless. It would be fun if the entire thing was more like the real game, where every match really is unique and different. But they're not. The game is standard. The only realistic thing about it is you can't really score at will any more. It's slower and 'harder'. But in the end it still feels like a game and it is a game, so slow and bland isn't good. It's just boring. 

FIFA 14 isn't that fun. And that's its biggest problem. It lacks anything that really stands out. Every match is a slow and repetitive. There's really not much joy to be had here.

It's tragic really, there really aren't any good football games any more. Wow. What the fuck happened?

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Video Games DO Influence People. And That's OK.

First of all, before I get into this article, I'd like to say: I'M BACK BIATCHES!!! Yes, after a hearty break that has lasted nearly a month (over a month if you count from my last proper article), I. Am. Back. I got a lot of the shit in my life sorted and I finally feel ready to, once again, write and stuff. I feel fresh and clean and I'm ready to go! I think for the sake of my content that break was totally necessary. The previous update I posted has been taken down as I felt that it went a bit too far. I thought I was done with writing but honestly I just needed that nice break. So I'm back, and I won't stop writing. I get that my views have dipped (although not as badly as I anticipated) but I honestly don't care if there's only a couple of you guys still reading my shit. Let's. A do. A this.

So moving onto the actual article topic, and I wanted to share my honest opinion about video games and how they 'influence' people. After all that GTA V controversy I thought I'd have my (rather late) say.

I'm probably going to upset a lot of hardcore gamers out there when I say this, but video games DO influence people.

But wait, wait, WAIT. That's 100% OK. In fact, if they didn't influence us, we wouldn't really be the complex humans we are.

First of all by 'influence' I don't necessarily mean 'make go out and murder a mall full of people'. I'm talking about 'influence' in a more slight sense. Playing GTA V won't make someone go out and kill 10 people, but it might influence them to it if they've already got mental problems and violent issues.

My point is that people with particular tendencies can have those tendencies exploited by various sources. And it's a 'duh, no shit' situation.
Is it even remotely surprising that unstable or vulnerable people are easily influenced by outside sources? Of course not. Far from it.

People take advantage of other people all. The. Time. And they can do this through influence. Influence reaches different levels from simple insinuation that leads to particular action being taken by the other individual, to direct telling or ordering and even brainwashing.

The people that do the influencing are usually cunning people who know how to exploit people's weaknesses and get what they want, while the influenced person is usually either weak, unstable, worried, concerned, scared, fearful of upsetting the other person and generally isn't a very dominant character. You know the kind of person I'm referring to though, right?! We've all met at least a few people like this. People who you say something to and their opinion immediately changes to accommodate yours. Or if they seem uncertain of something you suggested they'll still go along with it easily because they're just not very dominant or 'certain' as it were.

 So obviously it's clear that influencing people and being influenced is natural, and something we can easily achieve ourselves.

All the people that were 'addicted' to video games who have gone out and killed didn't do that because of the game, but because their mental state was already in that position. They were already prepared to kill. The video games just fed their violent urges.

But that. Is. Fine.

Why? Because first of all, as I pointed out, influence is natural and you can't have a go at a video game for influencing a nutter to blow himself up when humans influence each other all the time to do negative things. Hell, just look at cults and mass suicides. Were video games responsible for those? Nope. But influence was. And that's why games aren't the issue. It's simply influence itself. It will always be there and everything and anything can do it.

Games, movies, people, music, TV - even the very thing that reports on the issue: the media. Yes, the media is the most hypocritical thing in the world. Newspapers and news sources preach peace and unity and 'banning video games' with one hand while furiously and violently masturbating to all the people they manage to influence with the other. It's why the media fucking exists. That is the purpose of it. It's legal propaganda. If a newspaper has a particular stance on something, then you can be sure their aim is to make every single fucking reader of it agree with them.

It's called the power of the press. And it can help people who have had terrible ordeals or outrageous things happen to them get into the spotlight to get justice, but it can also destroy lives. The key with the press is you are never in control. Whether the media is your enemy or ally is determined entirely by whether they want to spin your story as one that positively or negatively affects you. Will they make you out to be the arsehole or the hero? Guess what; you don't decide.

The media is irresponsible to the max. Influence is their purpose. Their aim. Their point. Yet they oppose things such as video games for influencing people too. The media does WORSE influencing, however, than any video game or movie to ever exist. Journalists have absolutely no issue with printing a trillion stories about someone and ma
king every human being alive hate the shit out of them for no apparent reason, but a game like GTA can't feature guns and murdering because it might inadvertently tip some already unstable maniac over the edge? Yeah. Sure. Carry on.

What's more, even if games didn't influence people. Even if, somehow, despite the fact that everything that exists influences humans somehow, video games didn't actually have any psychological effect on us, people would still be influenced by movies. And TV. And music. And every other thing in our lives. So why pick on games anyway?

Let's face it, our lives are just one massive barrage of influential content trying to make us think this way and do things that way. Ads are everywhere trying to get you to buy the latest this and the latest fucking that, while the media is trying to make you support this political party and that political party and hate this celeb and that celeb, while the political parties themselves are trying to influence you to vote for them over the others and the celebs are trying to convince you to pay attention to them so they can get their latest pay check and blah blah blah blah blah.

Life is just one massive clusterfuck of information and 90% of it is pointless bullshit. So go home, stick in GTA V, blow up a fictional version of L.A. and have a fucking blast.

If you want to follow me on twitter, which you probably don't, and ready my depressive, cynical, ironic and dumb tweets about shit you probably don't give a flying squirrels arse about, then follow me @mookyst.

If you have anything to add or want to share your opinion then please comment. I love hearing your thoughts because if you post something interesting we can have a conversation about it and if you post something incredibly dumb and hateful (like"this is gay") then I can take a screen cap of it and humiliate you on twitter. Peace out people.

Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Tales From The Underworld - The Show

The kids and adults all line up to see the unveiling of the great machine.

The show.

The epic circus of such great magnitude that folk from other towns come to see it.

There's something there for everyone they say. The experiment of the psychological effects of the disturbing evaluation of our life and existence do you know YOUR purpose? Or is there still mystery shrouding your existence?

The kids and adults all line up to sit down inside the great dome of the great machine.

The show.

The circus.

*announcer* "Ladies and gentleman, do you want the show to start? Do you want the epic circus of incredible imagination to begin? Do you? Cheer! Show your appreciation. OK. Are you ready? Then, let's begin...."

The curtains are drawn and the show has begun
The sadistic ventures of the disturbed human mind
Who came up with this shit?
And you bring your kids to see it?
Some people are fucking mad
Insane to the end
Well, huh, let's tie up these loose ends
I'm sick of the expectation
Is there any worse degradation?
Is there any more extreme view of our lives and decisions?
Is there anything that can be done?
Or are we going to fall apart at the seams forever?
Spinning in this cycle of hatred.

The sadistic ventures of the clowns on show are apparent as they clamber around the audience. They don't make you laugh. You're there to make them laugh. You think you're there to enjoy this? You think you're there to be served?

You're there to serve. You always were.

It's getting out of hand now. A boy is crying. The clown is up in his face, his mask of makeup hiding his identity and portraying him as a sado-masochist who eats children alive.

He is not real.

We are not real.

The clown is laughing while the opposite emotions are displayed on the sobbing child, his mother telling him to shush and enjoy the show.

But how can he enjoy this?

One man in cloak and hat is sitting to the side. He stands up. He's the saviour of the people.

The great show. This epic circus.

The man approaches the clown harassing the child without a shadow of emotion.

He pulls the joker away and throws him to the ground. The great show has now begun.




The curtains are closed. The show has finished and the crowds are dispersing. The merry go round and other rides set up outside the giant tent are still in full flow. Kids ride them and laugh. The enjoyment of youth.

The twisted way this show was presented.
It's like we're stuck in a rut. This fate can't be dented.
The rage and anger pent up inside had to be vented.
*We can release ourselves here. We can be who we are*
Are you scared? You should be.
We'll take our time. We'll settle down. And we'll see.
Looking up at the sky you can almost touch the stars. But they're always out of reach.
So try harder.
The show's reign as the greatest on earth will never fault. It will always be there.
And to go is a dare.
You'll become trapped in the devils snare.
Locked in his lair.
Fighting for air.
Running scared, crying for your life.

The show.

The epic circus.

It's no joke.

It's a serious fucking matter.

So as the kids and adults from this little town and all the others around crowd round to see the unveiling of the great machine, why don't we go down and see the show? It could be fun.

Monday, 9 September 2013

Tales From The Underworld - Voice 003 (The Machine)


The world is a place....

The world is a place....

Ya know it's pretty funny, because the world, it's a place where you exist without justification. You don't, need, a reason, to exist. You just do.

But what kind of world is it that we live in where you can be anything bad without justification. Because nothing needs justification.

We all make choices. We all live with these choices. And there's no way you can blame anyone. You can do what you want. You can, exist, in your little world, and you can choose to live how if you want, but remember that when you fuck up, it's you. It's all you. It's all on you. You can't go crying to anyone else because you chose to be where you are.

And you may never have wanted to be there, right? People don't always wanna be where they are. But they are. And they're there for a reason. And you can bring supernatural shit into the equation if you really want to. But, it's not even close to necessary.

Why? Because yeah, everything DOES happen for a reason. No shit sherlock. If some kid, 21 years old, ends up dead on the streets due to a drug overdose, that happened, for, a, reason. And it wasn't 'God', it was because he lived like an idiot.

But we live in a world that wants to justify bad habits and sinful ways despite the fact they can't be justified. And it's funny, it's really fucking funny. The world contradicts itself. It fuels the shallow way we live, yet it constantly laughs at us for going along with it. It says "Here, you can live like this if you want to, but will you? Yes." and then it fucking bursts out laughing like it just cracked the best joke in the whole. Fucking. World. And it is the best joke in the whole world. It's managed to trick everyone into living a certain way. What a joke.

The world is nothing but a giant fuckin' advert. It's consumerism gone mad. It's overtaken everything. It's how we live.

People flock to the latest this, and the latest that. And they love it. Consumerism just plays on our lust. And desire. And greed.

That's all the world is now.




And hatred and rage too. You can't forget those.

And lust and desire are neutral. They can be good, right? I desire you. I lust over you. But they're still shallow emotions and they're a great example of the way this planet has become.

We try to justify how we live. But there is no justification. And there's no point. There's no deeper meaning. We're grabbing at straws.

It's a dismal hole.
It's like life with no soul.
It's a distant future that holds no goal.
We're losing this fight. We're losing our purpose.

But there is one emotion, actually, that keeps us grounded. Love. It reminds us, that we're human. That we are capable of deeper feeling. That actually, our purpose, what we desire, is to love. We all love someone. I do. You do. She does. He does. Everyone. And it's this feeling of love that reminds us that we're people of emotion. That really all of this superficial rage and hate, all of this fake desire and lust, it's just a coverup. It's just what we've turned the world into.

And it was always us.

The world is a place... 

The world is a place...

The world is a place, where every decision made is the fault of the person who made it. And the world is only like this, because we chose to make it like this.

Don't believe me? Wade through all the fuckin' crowds in the mall and flick through one of the hundreds of magazines to see a small example of just how big this machine has gotten.

And without love, the leash would come undone.
We'd be gone.
We'd be lost.
We'd be living without cost.
We'd be surviving on a dime.
Living to a chime.
Walking like we're stoned.
Fucking around and getting boned.
We'd have nothing.
Nothing to pull us back.
Our consicences would be fucking black.
Nothing at all.
Nothing there.
We'd be dry.
Well, I'd prefer to fuckin' die.
Than live a life with no love. With only the all consuming rage and hatred for the world to keep me afloat.

You see, without the leash, without love, the machine would explode. Overload. Overcome to the immense pressure it's under.

And we'd all collapse. Even more than we have already.

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Why The Nintendo 2DS Is Brilliant

Nintendo recently revealed their new entry into the 3DS family and ultimately left many people slightly confused.

The Nintendo 2DS will be available to buy in October, which seems appropriate as many people will probably need about two months to get their heads around exactly what it is and why it even exists. Personally, however, despite the many raised eyebrows I think the device is a brilliant idea and I genuinely want one. In fact, I want to trade my current 3DS in and get a 2DS instead.

First of all, what is it? Well it probably seems slightly, uh, odd that a console titled the '2DS' is part of a series of consoles known for their 3D functionality. But the 2DS actually plays 3DS games. That's its point. For £109/$129 you can get a 2DS and play all 3DS games and original DS games to your heart's content.

Put simply: the 2DS is a 3DS but without 3D. It plays the same games but the 3D option is disabled (obviously games that do actually require the 3D feature in order to be played properly will be useless on the 2DS).

Now it might make more sense to just buy a 3DS, but Nintendo are aiming the new console at, mainly, kids. There's no 3D feature for parents to worry about and the design of the console is clearly not very fancy, so it's built for knocks and scratches. 

But to be honest, I don't see kids as being the biggest audience here. Personally I can see every person who wants to play Luigi's Mansion and Animal Crossing: New Leaf but doesn't give a rat's arse about 3D wanting the new 2DS.

In fact, I own a 3DS and I want a 2DS.

What I also love about the new console is the design. While a lot of people seem to hate it, I like it. A lot. It's simple, doesn't look that fragile, it's compact and I love the placement of the screens and buttons. Some people seem skeptical about how comfortable the 'slab' or 'brick' or 'square' design will be on the hands, but just look at tablets. They're the same sort of dimensions and shape and they're fine to play games on.
It looks alright to me.

Honestly, I really like the new 2DS. It seems a great option for anyone who isn't interested in the one exclusive feature of the 3DS (the 3D, obviously) and I think the price-point is great. I don't play any games on my 3DS in 3D anymore, so I often question the entire point of the feature. I do wonder as well if the 2DS will have a better battery life as the 3D feature is completely gone and the battery on the 3DS is Goddamn awful.

Anyway, I might actually replace my 3DS with a 2DS when it's released and I think it will be a great way for people to play all the latest 3DS games they want without the hassle of 3D or that extra bit of cash. What do you think about it? I want to hear what your thoughts are on the new console, so say what you think in the comments!

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

No. This Is Not Reality. Yes. This Is A Test

You may have noticed this, for lack of better term, 'saying' that I've been throwing around a lot. It's featured on the header of my blog, my Twitter profile and is also the header on my Facebook and description of my Religious beliefs. If you haven't seen it, it reads: "No. This is not reality. Yes. This is a test." The pictures I've made that include this saying are copyrighted by the way, so they are not to be used without permission. So don't go stealing my shit.

Anyway, what is it? What does it mean? Why do I use it?

It probably seems pretty meaningless. Maybe even lame. But I've always drawn inspiration from the quotes and sayings of others and I've also wanted to have something that summed up me and my stance on everything in one swift movement.

Jared Leto and 30 Seconds To Mars have this common saying that sums up the band:

"Yes, this is a cult."

It says a lot about the group. In fact, it pretty much defines them. It shows they are more than just a band. It shows they are something deeper and further. A belief, if anything. And these beliefs are extended and explained through their music.

I don't want that and I'm not trying to be a belief, but what I'm getting at is everyone has a different thing that is important to them, that defines them.

The term "No. This is not reality. Yes. This is a test." is one I came up with and have used for a while. It's something I sort of say to myself. It sort of is me but in word form. It sums up me and my beliefs well. It's what I'm about.

So what does it mean? Don't worry, it's nothing sinister. I'm not trying to start a cult here or anything. I just want my blog and what I do to be expressive of myself, and using this term that I've had for a while helps that.

The first part, 'No. This is not reality', comes from the fact that reality cannot be proven. There is no such thing as a definitive reality. We are alone inside our heads and what we live is filtered through our brain. What we experience cannot be proven or disproven. This could all be a dream. Who knows? No one. That's a fact.

I am a realist though, so I believe that what we experience is as real as we experience it. What I mean by that is I believe we are clearly experiencing some sort of reality, so it's irrelevant if it's a 'false' or 'fucked up' reality. Whether we are all in comas or dreaming is irrelevant. The bottom line is we are experiencing some kind of existence, so let's get on with it.

But is this reality? No. Of course not. Because there is no clear definition of reality. Nothing we experience can be defined or proven as reality so technically nothing we experience is reality itself.

"No. This is not reality."

And who's going to prove that ^ wrong?

The second part, 'Yes. This is a test', really comes from my own beliefs about life itself.

Life is a test, and I don't mean this in a Religious sense. What I mean is that everything in life tests us and it is a morale challenge. Is there a prize? Can you win? Well yes, you can win at life by succeeding in what you want to and what is important to you personally.

But everything we do is a test.
The emotional struggles you go through. They're tests.
Every-time you are in a dilemma about whether to lie or be truthful. That's a test. It's a test of your moral standing and a test of your character. Life is a test, whether there is a God or not. I'm agnostic so I really don't care. I care about the now and what is going on at this moment in time.

So no, this is not, technically, reality. But yes, this is a test.

I'm currently developing different designs for t-shirts too. If you want you'll be able to get the slogan on t-shirts on Spreadshirt pretty soon.


"When everything seems to be going against you, just remember that the aeroplane takes off against the wind, not with it."
- Henry Ford

The human lies in deep sodden grass and mud, unmoving. A storm is raging as the wind hails and the rain pours down. The world is bleak and unknowing; full of abandonment. A tempest of fate pulling the human down. The weight of the elements too much for the weak person.

There is no hope in trying when there is no hope in yourself.

The human is pain. They are emptiness and suffering. They lie alone with only their own thoughts as company. But their thoughts are insanity. Driving them to the point of this desolation and remote abandonment.

If only there was hope.

If only there was something to pull the human back up.

But mistakes and regret have led the human here. The pure lack of courage in the required situations have caused this agony. The thoughts left alone inside the humans head. They never stop thinking. Their brain ticking over. What if? Why? How? Why was it like this? Could I have changed one thing? Just one?! Yes. But I didn't. I've failed. This is the end.

The mud blocks out the human's view of the sky and world. They lie in this pool of misery, drowning in their sorrow and regret. They cannot see and all they can hear is the howling wind which seems to be screaming at the human in anger. But it is the human's anger that screams at them. Anger fuelled by their mistakes and regret over what they did not do.

This is the end.

Maybe if a bird were to sing or the sun were to shine through. Maybe if the rain were to wash off the mud and then subside. Maybe if things were better the human would feel less suffering and agony. If things were to be right. If things were to improve. If things were better, the human would survive.

*There is a chance in everyone. And there are chances and opportunities we encounter. As people we decide the fate of these chances and opportunities and as humans we have the ability to shape our future into the mould we want. As people it is our right and our duty to ensure we live how we wish, how we want. Material things fuel only our shallow beliefs about what life is, but no matter what scenario any person can dream themselves in, they will always be in control of the key choices they make. Right choices affect them positively  while negative and poor ones have a bad effect. Regret is one outcome that returns over and over to haunt you. It never leaves, and there is always that 'what if?' thought. Especially when it is regarding something close to you. But instead of asking why things didn't work out, ask why you are letting yourself regret. Ask why you are letting yourself regret like this. Ask why you feel like this to begin with. If regret is that bad, don't let yourself get into situations and make decisions that lead to regret. Make the right ones. Even if they backfire, there is no regret in knowing you made a decision to benefit yourself longterm. And what's more, you don't have to regret as there is always something you can do. Go out and scream at the top of your voice. Go out and get what you want. Make it happen and force yourself into the world.*

The human feels a pang of light. The epiphany has brought upon them a sudden realisation. They must always focus on never letting themselves make a decision they know will lead them to regret. They must stand up and make the decision that, no matter how scary or intimidating, will leave them with fulfilment.

The human realises they must act fast. They must move quickly to remedy their mistakes. It means so much to them. They are in the mud and grass and storm due to it. And they must remedy it. They must fix it. They must stand up against their fears and rejections. They must do what they naturally feel inclined to otherwise this regret will be with them forever. For the rest of their life. They must act.

The human finds the strength to raise a hand and wipe off the mud that coats their face. The mud is thick and heavy and they struggle to wipe it all away. They open their eyes and witness the dark sky above and the pouring rain.

The human tries to sit up but the mud and water weighs them down. It would be so much easier to lie back down and rest. But why rest in mud and hell when they can rest in sunlight and their own happiness?

The human struggles but forces themselves up. They are naked, coated head to toe in mud and filth. The rain that beats down does nothing to help clean them and instead only muddies them more.

But the human fights on. They must escape the field. It's a dangerous fight that must be won. It must. Be. Won.

The human stumbles forward through the tall grass that reaches up as far as their chest. Moving is hard. The human trips over a hole in the ground. The turf is lumpy and full of cracks and gaps that will try to slow the human's movement down even more.

But they fight on. Moving through the sodden field they see a small gate in the distance. They must reach it to escape. The journey will not end there, but things get better. Improvements will be made.

They move forth, pressing on, asserting as much energy as they can to the task, ignoring the potholes and uneven ground that tries to bring them down. As they get closer to the gate the rain begins to subside. It begins to fade out. Is the storm finally ending?

The rain comes to a halt and the terrain begins to even out. They are getting nearer and nearer to the gate. This is their chance. They can see this through.

On the other side of the gate the field continues. There is no fence and the gate appears to serve no material purpose. In fact, its existence does not benefit the field in the least. But the human approaches the gate. Exhausted they try to open it but it is stuck. They need to fight harder. They must succeed.

The human yanks and pulls the gate with all their might. It won't open. Suddenly the human realises there is a sign reading 'Push' that is stuck on the gate. They sigh, push the gate and it opens smoothly.

The human ambles through and immediately the grey sky begins to drift away only to be replaced by a clear blue one. The grass on this side of the gate is shorter too and the ground is flat and even. There are birds singing and a slight wind is blowing. The mud that coated the human begins to slide away, as if slipping cleanly from them and leaving no trace it was ever there. The mud completely disappeared and suddenly the human's free.

They stand in the field, admiring the sky and birds and the flowers that have popped up through the trimmed grass. This is what they were fighting for. This is what they needed. The regret and hell was only brought upon themselves by themselves and there was always a way out. They needed this. They needed to succeed. No one else could help. It was them. Always them. And the courage they sought was always going to be found within themselves.

"Have great hopes and dare to go all out for them. Have great dreams and dare to live them. Have tremendous expectations and believe in them."
- Norman Vincent Peale

"The best way to get rid of the pain is to feel the pain. And when you feel the pain and go beyond it, you'll see there's a very intense love that is wanting to awaken itself."
- Deepak Chopra

"To have darkness behind me, in front of my a bright sky, flickering lights on the water and to feel it on the stony face of the southern sun."
- Julia Hartwig

This has been a confession.

Sunday, 25 August 2013

The Rise & Fall Of The Elder Scrolls Online

I'm not really into MMO games that much. I'm not really a multiplayer person anyway to be honest. I'll always pick a single-player experience over a shared one any day.

But I have to admit, I was looking forward to the Elder Scrolls Online. Imagine an ES game with your friends. With strangers. Imagine an ES game with more of a living and breathing world than any Elder Scrolls game had ever had.

I love the series anyway and while the thought of an ES MMO didn't get me immediately psyched, I grew to really like the idea after a while.

That was until recently, when Bethesda announced that the much anticipated game would launch at a standard RRP retail price of $60/£50 yet also charge users per month too. Yep, you're gonna have to shell out $60/£50 and then another $15 on top of that EVERY month just to keep playing.

Let's work this out.


But we can't forget the cost of PSN and XBL if you play on a console.

Xbox Live will cost $60 a year while PSN Premium will cost $50. Either way the cost to use the game for the first year will be practically $300 on both platforms. And from then on in, after the first year, you'll still be looking at between $230-$240.

That's one hell of a fucking cost to use one, yes ONE, game. In fact that pricing regime boggles my mind. It also boggles everyone else's mind too. No one seems to understand why the decision to include a cost per month was made.

Do Bethesda not realise that they just shot themselves in the head? They've betrayed their fan base and customers.

What really - REALLY - pisses me off though is when any developer/publisher thinks they can charge a fee to buy the game and then charge customers AGAIN to actually USE the game they JUST BOUGHT.

When you buy something, you're handing over your hard earned money so you can obtain the use of the thing or service you're purchasing. But when you hand over your $60 to buy the ES Online, that $60 has only given you the right to take the game back to your house to pay another fee, this time of $15, to actually use the game.

It's like the $60 is the first stage - or level.

Level 1: Pay $60.
Level 2: Take the game home.
Level 3: Pay $15 to actually be able to use the game.
Level 4: Enjoy until the next month when you must pay another $15.

It's pointless and it sucks. It's a terrible way to market any game. I know MMOs cost more to run as they require constant attention over a long period of time, but either charge $60 and add in in-game purchases and things or simply charge $15 a month. Doing both is a ridiculous amount of money to expect customers to pay. And, quite frankly, it's shameful.

But in the end, what does it matter? It's not out yet and you can always cancel any pre-orders you have. We're not obligated to buy this game. If paying that much is ridiculous, which it is, then we shouldn't do it. At the end of the day only Bethesda lose out. And they will do. Because paying $60 for a game only to have to pay an extra $15 per month afterwards is ludicrous.

What do you think about the extra monthly fee? Will you be buying the Elder Scrolls Online? Leave your comments below!